Salami Bells on Cheese Squares, 1967

Oh oh; looks like these salami bells caught a case of the parsleys. This dish perfectly illustrates what can happen when a garnish goes too far. A gross misuse of parsley, indeed.

From: Family Circle Illustrated Library of Cooking, 1967

Ham Pancake Shortcakes, 1972

Breakfast takes a tragic turn with this recipe from 1972. The recipe for the stuff between the pancakes calls for a can of spam, some frozen green beans, and an "envelope of a la king sauce mix". Slap a canned peach on top and you're in business.

From: "The Illustrated Library of Family Circle Cooking", 1972

Baked Salmon Mousse with Poulette Sauce, 1972

This is like some crazy archaic precursor to Molecular Gastronomy. I can't decide whether this dish looks totally outdated or super space-age and futuristic.

From: Family Circle Illustrated Library of Cooking, 1972

Easy Perfection Salad, 1967

In this "salad", pimento detritus and canned sauerkraut are magically suspended in lemon jello. This is very reminiscent of a swarm of mosquitos I once saw trapped in amber.

From: Better Homes and Gardens Jiffy Cooking, 1967

Confetti Meatball Supper, 1974

Yikes! Talk about a hot mess. This recipe suggests shaping the rice into a ring mold and spooning the gravied meatballs in the middle "for extra eye appeal", but I am getting extra eye disdain.
PS: In case you were curious, this dish is composed of a can of condensed cheddar cheese soup, 1/4 cup "catsup", a large can of meatballs with gravy, precooked rice and instant minced onion. Apparently this recipe creator was the anti-Alice Waters.

From: Better Homes and Gardens After Work Cookbook, 1974

Decorated Chilled Ham, 1963

Nothing says abundant like a ham platter shaped like a Viking burial barge. The caption for said ham platter reads "Glamour for a few pennies!". I guess in 1963, chilled canned ham was cheap thrills.

From: Better Homes and Gardens Meals with Foreign Flair, 1963

Fillets of Cod with Caper Sauce, 1985

I know it's futile, but I feel compelled to throw the little fellas in the middle a life preserver.

Photo from: Supercookery! 1985

Meat and Vegetable Soup, 1967

This seemingly innocuous picture belies something more unnatural. See recipe below (locovores and slow foodies might want to turn away now):

If I was stuck in a nuclear fallout shelter for 2 years, this would be my go to recipe. At any other time it is an affront to nature.

From: Better Homes and Gardens Jiffy Cooking, 1967

Salmon Trout in Aspic, 1973

Wow. This Trout really got the once-over. I am particularly amused by the jaunty tuft of parsley that sits atop the trouts head, like a bad toupee. Note the tray, heavily besmirched with aspic, encases a happy little floral motif, further mocking the trouts predicament.

Photo from: The gourmet's guide to French Cooking, 1973

Springtime Potatoes

Haiku for Springtime Potatoes:

Food Stylist using

Elmer's glue as sour cream sauce

Radish stays in place

Photo From: Better Homes and Gardens Fix It Fast Cook Book, 1979

Lemony Salmon Tower, 1958

The caption for this recipe reads: "Tart shimmery lemon gelatin accents rich salmon flavor in this luscious molded salad. Relishes are anchovies, herring in sour cream, marinated shrimp, sardines."

If I had a cat I would make this for its birthday.

From: Better Homes and Gardens Salad Book, 1958

Skillet Potato Salad with Bologna Ring, 1967

Warning: The following image is rated R for graphic sausage imagery. 

From: Better Homes and Gardens Jiffy Cooking, 1967

Duck with orange, 1973

What duck? Where??

From: The gourmet's guide to French Cooking, 1973

Dill Pickle-sickles and Dip a La Spaghetti, 1967

Nothing says summer like pickle-sickles and Spaghetti dip. What's that? You want to know how to make the Spaghetti dip? "Stir 1 tablespoon of dry spaghetti sauce mix into 1 cup dairy sour cream with 1 tablespoon finely chopped green pepper. Chill."
Just like they make it in Italy.

Photo and recipe from: Better Homes and Garden Jiffy Cooking, 1967

Meat served with white sauce, 1973

Don't worry; it's totally Atkins approved.

From: The gourmets guide to French Cooking, 1973

Veal loaf coated in sauce chaudfroid and a layer of aspic, 1973

"Loaf", "coated", and "aspic" should never be used in the same recipe title.

From: The gourmets guide to French Cooking, 1973

Frankfurter Succotash

The Pygmy Frankfurter hunts in small groups or packs. Here, we see they form a circular formation to ensnare their prey, the Lima Bean.

From: Woman's Day Encyclopedia of Cookery (Frankfurter section), 1966

Mexican Frankfurters and Eggs

The frankfurter used here alludes to what it will look like in the digestive track, leaving no need for guesswork.

From: Woman's Day Encyclopedia of Cookery (Frankfurter section), 1966